I am a shoe whore.
No, no…it’s alright. Don’t worry about labeling me a shoe whore. I’m good with it. It’s okay. I have come to terms with it and while the term “whore” is a bit degrading, it is what it is. I mean, a whore is someone who performs sex for money, right? I perform sex…for shoes. Now, don’t get me wrong, my husband doesn’t say to me, “Babe, I saw a fabulous pair of Steve Madden’s that you are going to LOVE. Price? One blow job.” But, if he did say that, I would totally be down for it. So, in theory, that makes me a shoe whore. There’s not too much that I wouldn’t do for a pair of shoes as long as it will A) not land me in jail where I can only wear state approved canvas boat shoes or B) will not cross the boundaries of my marriage, disabling my pipe line to fantastic shoes for the price of a well timed blow job. I mean, seriously, are there many men out there who would say, “baby, for just one quick hand job, you can have these Jimmy Choo’s?” No, not many. But, my husband is one of them…and I am not going to disrupt the flow, you know?
So, for this week’s Focus 52 prompt being “Variety”, I have allowed you into my closet, so to speak and pulled out 25 of my favorite pairs of high heels. Mind you, I said my favorites. This does not include my ridiculous flip flop collection, my multiple pairs of flats, the tons of heels I no longer wear as they are out of season or fashion, the vast array of sneakers that I own or anything that can be remotely referred to as a “stripper shoe”. I call them “Over the shoulder” shoes.
You figure it out.
So there they are. Mama’s babies. However this photo does not include my crown jewel. The Pièce de résistance. (That’s French, Fuckers. Someone come kiss their way up my arm and say “Cara Mi! You spoke French! And if you don’t get the reference, you are too young to be reading my blog. Go away.)
Here she is:
Ladies, say hello to “Fifi” by Steve Madden.
She is my new best friend. My “sole” mate. And no, I don’t own a DAMN thing that will go with her, but best believe that I will by this weekend. I see her and my lady bits throb. She makes me happy. We are in love and never shall any other shoe render us asunder.
Until next season.