Took four freakin’ days but I finally got some hotel sex. Geez. What’s a bitch gotta do? It got interrupted by his job about six or seven times, which was okay because it only prolonged matters. By the eighth call, I hopped offa him and closed up shop. Done. I cannot perform like the sex goddess I am with him talking to men on the other line. In college, that would have gotten me off. I am over that phase of my life.
Moving right along…
Have you seen the movie “Across the Universe”? If you haven’t, you must. Go now. Don’t even finish reading this post until you have done so. Get your shit and go.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 2 hours later…
Wasn’t it phenomenal? Did you not LOVE it? The only way you couldn’t love this movie is if you have NO feelings whatsoever and are bone dry when it comes to human connection. For example, Avitable will hate this film. Unless he’s a Beatles fan…that might save it for him. Plus, PLUS…Salma Hayek does a cameo as a “naughty singing nurse” during one scene. Nothing is hotter than Salma Hayek in a nurse’s dress, cap and stripper heels, okay? Nothing. (Hm. Coincidence that I got laid after seeing that movie. Must. Ask. Hotband.)
Lastly, am I the only one who knows the etiquette for elevators? You let people off first, before you get on. It’s very simple. Why. Why do people get onto elevators when they see you are trying to get off of one? How the fuck can I get out if you are taking your three hundred pound behemoth body onto the frickin frackin elevator, shoving my fat ass into a corner as I gasp for air trying to squeeze past you? This is not an olympic sport, people. This is on and off an elevator for fucks sake. Three times this weekend, I had to tell off various people from the greater Chicago area due to their unparalleled RUDENESS. Shit fuck. They say we New Yorkers are rude and over-bearing? No. No no no. You fuckers in Chicago corner the market on that. Trust a bitch.
I am back in Florida now, land of the giant cockeroach and the God forsaken lightning storm. I could never say I was happy to be here, but I am happy to be here. I have jet lag. I got my period. My nails need to be done. The humidity has attacked my hair and it looks like I was just in a wrestling match. Nappy and fro-like. Fine for some, not too hot on a fine haired, pin straight jew girl. I look like Elaine from Seinfeld and this is NOT a good look for me.
Anyway, if you can come up with some explanation for the elevator phenomenon, I would appreciate it. I think the world should know about the on/off rule…but what the fuck do I know.