Category Archives: silly

Focus 52: "April Showers"

Do you have any idea what I went through to get this photograph for you?

I braved “bee hell” to get this picture. I am NO photographer by any means.  Not by a long shot.  But I was trying to get something that included my two favorite colors, and unfortunately, my two favorite colors were smack in the middle of Bumble Bee Haven (aka: The Reason CP Does Not Go Outside).  I am deathly allergic to bees.  I’m not talking about a little swelling, a little itching, a little “ouch.”  I am talking “rush this fat chick the emergency room STAT” kind of allergic.  My throat swells.  I get hives down my throat.  My breathing and my heart rate slows and then, into anaphylactic shock I go. 

The last time I was stung by a bee, I had to have a trach tube inserted into my throat. I was about 7 years old, scarcely remember the incident, but have the tiniest little scar at the base of my neck where a paramedic or doctor sliced open my throat and inserted a tube that saved my life by allowing me to breathe.  Mind you, this is not the rantings of the drama queen you have come to know and love.  This is some true, die hard shit, People.

So, while Anderson Cooper is braving the desert sands of Afghanistan or climbing through the rubble of Haiti to save some random parrot from harm, I am braving the deep tundra of bee hell to appease the owner/operator of the Focus 52 Project to get you the deep, dark lowdown of the flower situation in the month of April here in Central Florida.

I truly deserve a medal for this endeavor, but will accept your love, appreciation and gratitude in lieu of same.

I also accept Paypal.

Is She Out Of Her Mind Edit:  So, I get my flower picture because naturally, April Showers…bring May Flowers, right?  Obvious choice for a photo, no?  I go over to TwoScoopz just to find out that the next Focus 52 project is…yes, you guessed it.  May Flowers.  Well, I’ll tell you what.  Kiss my May Flower ass, Sister.  I am not venturing into the gaping, bee infested maw of gardening HELL to get another flower picture for you.  You’ll have to settle for THIS May Flower:

There you go.  My work here is done. 

Focus 52: "Silly"

  (Seeing as I just stepped off a plane from Washington, DC a mere couple of hours ago, the post that pertains to “silly” is going to have to wait.  In the interim, here is the photo that the blog post is going to be about.  Please stand by.)

April 11 update:  Well, it seems you are not going to get a blogpost as promised, as I have since moved on in my life.  Would the words “April Fools” suffice?  No?  Not at all?  Okay, then suck it up and just deal with the fact that sometimes a princess just gets a little too busy to blog.  Yes, it happens.  And, as one of my friends pointed out, sometimes…I just suck.  So, this is one of those times.  Deal with it.

What I can tell you is that I have been laid up since this post was made with what I thought was just merely a bad backache.  A phone call from the hospital in DC, however, has informed me otherwise.  Apparently, your clutzy assed Princess managed to break a vertebrae in her back.  For the life of me, I could not recall hurting myself so I had no idea where the sudden onset of pain was coming from.  I mean, I have been lugging around size 44F’s for the last 20 years of my life.  If that didn’t cause me mad back pain, I can’t imagine what would have.  However, as I was talking with the Hotband and showing him pics from my DC trip, I relayed to him a funny story about how I stepped out of my friend Gary’s huge ass truck and, without considering how high up I was, went to go step down without stepping onto the running board first.  Landed squarely on my fat caboose. 

“So um, you think that’s maybe how you hurt your back,” he offers up to me.

“Wow babe, I never really even thought about that until just now.  OMG, that is probably totally how I did this.”

“You know,” he says, matter of factly-like, “I was reading about compression fractures in the back and it appears that when you fall and land on your rear, it causes a lot of downward pressure to the spine and that is probably how you got that fracture in your back.”

“Ah, okay there, Doc.  Thanks for clarifying.”

So, there you have it.  Your “silly” post.  Because nothing is more silly than stepping out of a truck with heels on and landing on your ample ass while three of your friends look on, point and laugh.  Yeah, it’s a stretch.  I’m aware of that, but a promise is a promise and frankly, peeps?  Beggars can’t be choosers.  I didn’t ask you to come back here and check to see if I actually made a post, did I?  Oh no, you did that of your own volition.  I was merely trying to skate by, hoping to go unnoticed.  But, did you let me?  Did you give me that moment of peace and solace?  No.  No you did not.  So this is what you get in return.  A half assed post, nearly a week later about virtually nothing that had to do with the picture in the prompt whatsoever.

Now, go away.  Don’t you have something better to do?  Don’t you?  DON’T YOU???