Category Archives: respect

30 Days of Truth…and BOOBS!!!

I saw a few people doing this meme. I don’t usually jump in the meme thing, but I thought this one would provoke me to start blogging again a bit more consistently. I have a beautiful new template layout all ready to go and still haven’t hung it up here yet because I haven’t been blogging very much. But, I figured this might be a good foray into getting that jump start that I need. So, 30 days of truth…one post a day, 30 days worth. I was going to start it a few days ago, but my crazy OCD won’t allow for me to start on a random numbered day. I waited for October 1st. The meme includes the following questions:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

So here we go. Something I hate about myself. This is pretty easy. The thing I hate most about myself is probably one of the things I also like about myself if that makes any sense. The thing I hate the most is my “I don’t give a shit what other people think of me” attitude. This attitude has it’s good points. For example, it allows me to speak freely at any time, any place in any situation. However, it has also gotten me into a fair amount of trouble with people that I do care about. And, it is because I care about certain people that I really should care what they think of me. Sometimes, I am not very tactful. I have been working on this for the past few months. I am trying to put the ol’ brain in gear before letting the mouth (or, in this case, fingertips) go into overdrive. I find that people who say they don’t give a shit about what other people think use it more as a defense mechanism for bad behavior. That’s the truth of it. When someone removes me from due to something that I have a strong opinion about, I tend to say “Fuck it. I don’t give a shit.” But, sometimes, I do. And it bothers me. Then I start to dwell on it. Eventually, it starts to eat at me a little bit. Usually not enough for me to apologize for my actions even when I feel that an apology may be justified. I never usually intend to hurt people. It doesn’t start out that way, but 9 times out of 10, it ends up that way. I know I have hurt a few people I used to be good friends with because I also can be judgmental and I have a passion for getting caught up in drama. Again, I am working on both of those things. It’s hard to undo something you have done for 44 years of your life overnight. However, the last time I did something that was pretty rotten, I did apologize to the parties involved. Not because I cared so much what they thought about me, but more because I care what “I” think of me. And, that particular situation made me feel bad about myself. Do I regret the things I say? Sure, sometimes. Then again, sometimes, I feel they are things that need to be said and I am unapologetic about it. There needs to be a happy medium there. You can say the things that need to be said…only, I think it’s best to say it to someone directly as opposed to passively saying things to others, hoping that the intended target “accidentally” gets wind of it. I’m normally not a passive/aggressive person so I really want to kind of edge that out of my life. I have always been the kind of person to say something to someone’s face (or Facebook, if you will). This “I don’t care” attitude has not served me well in the past and I don’t foresee that this will change for me in the future. I am working on improving myself just a little, every day. But, you know, Rome wasn’t built in a fucking day. Neither was I. I’m not quite where I want to be just yet, but I know I am heading in a better direction.

But yeah, I don’t like that part of me very much. I would rather use my powers for good than evil. One day at a time, I suppose.

It’s really all any of us can do.

Now, all that happy horseshit aside, Ladies…this month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It is time once more to pay attention to your fun bags, your sweater cows, your tata’s, your boobies or whatever the hell you call them. Along with the 30 days of truth, I will be talking about taking care of the tits of doom, how to give a self breast exam, what you need to look for/feel for and how you can invite your partner to help you! So, make sure to put on your PINK all month long in support of the titty brigade.

If you have the chance, stop by FeelYourBoobies.com to sign up and join the awareness group. You can send reminders to all your female friends and relatives about the importance of breast exams. Let’s help keep the boobies bouncing along healthfully and happily!

Soul searching…

I have so many things to blog about right now. So many wonderful, amazing things. My life right now is truly blessed. I can write about my husband, always a source of joy and happiness. I can write about the incredible Mother’s Day I just had. There was my fabulous trip to California where I met some absolutely awesome people who will be in my heart forever. I had the time of my life. I can write about my sons recent school suspension. Sure, not a great thing, but valuable lessons were learned by all. I could write about the new career I am embarking on with my husbands blessing. I am scared, nervous, excited and in awe over this decision I have made.

A million things to write about yet only one thing comes to mind right now.

Forgiveness.

In the past couple of months, I have done some pretty nasty things. Things I am a little ashamed of. I said things that never should have been said. I entrenched myself into lives and hurt people with the quick flashes of an untamed tongue. I allowed a mob mentality to pull me in, suck me under and throw me about in an ocean of ugly.

Dear Readers, be there 6 or 60 of you…when have you ever known that to be me?

I am not a judgmental person. I never have been. I don’t see colors on skin. I embrace everyone’s sexuality and preferences. As long as you are not harming me or mine…just be you. Do your thing. Live your life. Make your good choices. Make your poor choices. Always find your way back to being you after diverting away from that. Second chances. Third chances. Tenth chances. I have always lived my life as the epitome of love, tolerance and acceptance.

I am ashamed of my actions as of late. They are a false and poor representation of who I am, who I have always been. I allowed myself to get pulled into chaos and mob mentality, something I have never experienced before. I don’t like it. There isn’t enough body wash to cleanse it away.

I am not a religious girl, despite embracing my Jewessness. I am a spiritual person. I am a strong believer in karmic retribution both good and bad. You get back what you put out into the universe. It comes back to you in some form or another. Lately, what I have been putting out has not been positive and I am not proud of that. So many beautiful and wonderful things have taken place in my life as of late. This one thing looms heavily in my heart and mind.

I took a step to rectify it today. Not only because it was the right thing to do, but because I needed it for me. I needed to make it right in my mind. I need to put out the right vibes in my world. And, most of all, I need to say I am sorry when I am wrong. I allowed my compassion to be run off and replaced with malignancy and maliciousness. That’s not me. It’s never been me. I hate that girl.

I was wrong. And, I am sorry.

While forgiveness may not be in the stars, I have done what I can to be able to exhale and say, “It will be okay. The people you hurt may not forgive you, CP, but God will.” And right now, that has to be enough for me.

I am flawed. I will falter. I am a work in progress.

The colors are still evolving. The paint on my walls are still wet. But, with every passing day, every passing hour…something beautiful will arise from what I am creating. A better day. A better life.

A better me.

It has to make you laugh at some point…

There are some hugely influential bloggers online. Example? Perez Hilton. Heh. Not an example? This. (Edited to add:) Or this.

It’s awesome to be a legend in ones mind. Truly. I sure as fuck am. With all my flaws and inconsistencies, I still try to grow and evolve as a person constantly. Sometimes, I do it to perfection. Other times, not so much.

What I don’t do is lie to my readers. Never.

Don’t care if there are six of you or sixty of you. Never mattered to me. Never will. (Well, now, in retrospect, that’s not true. I do admit to being a blog whore once upon a time. I gave it up for lent.) Whoever reads this is just as important to me as the next person. And while once upon a time I considered a large readership to be a status symbol, I have definitely grown from that.

What interested me today was that someone asked an “influential blogger” to utilize her blog space to support a charity organization (which I will get to shortly). The person who was supporting the charity was someone who said influential blogger dislikes. However, what in the price of eggs in China does that have to do with you supporting a charity? You have the means, the tools and the time. You blog for several different reader sites. You have FRIENDS who would actually BENEFIT by this program! Military friends! You have the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of so many people…but because you don’t like someone, you reply with “are you fucking kidding me?”

Really?

This is the same “influential blogger” who loves to tell everyone how compassionate and loving she is.

Reality check?

If you have to TELL people you are compassionate and loving? Um, you’re not.

It would be like me having to tell you I’m a bitch. If you can’t surmise that about me in the first 30 seconds of meeting me you are either A)Blind as a fucking wombat or B) Dumb as a box of rocks. There is the third option, of course, that I am simply not doing my job as a bitch. That, however, is highly unlikely.

Now, I don’t mind so much that you turned this blogger down. It’s your blog. You don’t want to expend the energy posting about their charity event…cool. That’s fine. Would have been the nice/right/humane thing to do and given you the chance to show that you are a bigger person, but hell, why do that?

No. What bothered me was someone saying (and I’m paraphrasing here) “She blocked me off of facebook and twitter so now I can say whatever I want without consequences”.

Excuse me?

The blogger that said this to me? Love her. Known her for a long time. Great girl. But really? Consequences? For not liking someone?

What kind of circa 1985 time warp did I fall into here? Are we back in high school? Is there a cool kids table that I don’t know about? Why on earth would there be consequences?

Why? Because there is.

Because said “influential blogger” has a whole lot of sheep “baa-baa’ing” at her heels. Sides have been chosen. It boils down to you either like “US”…or you like “THEM”.

In the past few weeks during “the DRAMA” (didn’t I say I was never going to speak of this again? Heh. C’est la vie. My blog. My rules to break), I have discovered who the sheep really are. There were a lot of mutual friends between US and THEM. It was like a divorce. They got divvied up. Some went to their camp. Some to ours. There have been some who have been “walking the line”, so to speak. In other words, they are trying their damndest to stay neutral and remain friends with all parties.

I respect the FUCK out of those people because, man. I know it surely hasn’t been easy to do.

But, back to consequences.

I, for one, believe for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I am also a believer in karma. A VERY strong believer in karma. Everyone gets their comeuppance eventually. I don’t WISH this on people. It’s just the way the world works.

What a phenomenal thing it would have been for said “influential blogger” to have said, you know what? I think I WILL send out a post about this charity. After all, I have whored out my blog before for lesser things (and honestly, who among us has not?) and this would be a great opportunity for me to show the world that I am so much smaller than the big picture!

No. Instead, we have people worrying about what other people are going to think.

I was at a point earlier this week where I was going to apo-apo-apo…*gags* apologize *cough* for some of the things that I said to and about said blogger. Some of the things I said were cruel and inadvertently directed at a victim of the scenario and not the perpetrators. I felt bad about that. I did. It’s been eating at me.

But then, as Cyndi Lauper so eloquently put it…I see your true colors shining through.

And suddenly, I find myself apathetic as opposed to apologetic.

After all, if nothing changes…nothing changes.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is my Razorblade Tomato for the day.

That said, let me leave you with this:

Think for yourselves. Be yourselves. Don’t worry about what other people think of you. Life is too short for you not to live it to the fullest. Keep yourself raised up. Do for others, not out of pity or obligation, but because it really makes you fill up the happy tank. Stay charitable and humble. Remember when you are in crisis, someone out there has far greater struggles than you. Pain is temporary, ugly is forever.

Be beautiful.

Please. If it meets your life criteria and you can find it in your heart to click, head over to this site and simply vote for this idea to win the Pepsi Refresh Grant. Nothing to buy, no money to give. Just a simple click on a simple idea that will help thousands of veterans.

Thank you.

About the Drama…last words on the subject.

I am going to outline my feelings on the matter, once and for all, because I am not going to continue addressing the emails I keep getting on the subject. I feel like I should have an “auto-response” set up by now. So, here it is for everyone to read.

1. Let me clarify: I do not hate Adam or Britt. Not by a long shot. If you are writing me to get me to jump on that bandwagon, I am not on it. I care about both of them a great deal. While I am disappointed by some of the things that have gone on in the past few months, I cannot or will not bring myself to hate them.

2. I don’t care about the indiscretions. As I have said before, I have had my own share of affairs on previous husbands in the past. They were wrong, just as theirs was wrong. Having an affair behind your spouses back is an act of cowardice. I fall into that category as well. I am absolutely, positively NOT judging anybody for that at all.

3. The “birthday party” incident hurt a number of people. Some opted to get over it immediately. Some dwelled on it a bit longer and held it in to the point where they felt a little bitter about it. I fall into the latter of the two. I spoke to Adam about it and felt it best that we just let it go, water under the bridge I believe is the term we both used. And, while I did continue to snark about it even after that conversation, that was wrong of me. I am, from this point forward, letting it go. For those of you who haven’t yet, let me suggest that you do. If you feel slighted, I understand. It was hurtful, but, there comes a time when you just have to move on from that emotion. I am choosing now. There will be no further discussion on the matter from me.

4. If you want to know about Hilly, please write Hilly directly. I am not her spokesperson or her manager. She is a big girl capable of answering any questions you may have for her. I can’t speak on her behalf. I can tell you that she is just fine and has moved forward with her life. Any specifics will have to be addressed to her.

5. The ONLY thing that I do remain angry and disappointed about is the motorcycle issue. I told Britt that I found it tacky and disturbing. She knows how I feel on the subject. If you feel the same, write to her about it, as I did. I will state, for the record, that I am still hopeful that the money she raised for that motorcycle does NOT go to a motorcycle, but to a charitable organization of some sort. I don’t agree with pandering to your readers for money unless it is a financial crisis situation or you are doing so on behalf of a fundraiser. While I believe her intentions were pure (and I am basing this on a conversation I had with her directly), I still believe that it is the wrong thing for the right reasons. I have lost a modicum of respect for her for doing this…but that doesn’t make her an evil person. Just a bit misdirected. I am still holding out for the chance that she realizes that the money that was raised belongs in the hands of those who truly need help. A motorcycle for your husband does not qualify. But, in the end, that is her choice.

6. I said some very nasty things on another blog. Upon re-reading what I wrote, I realize that there are some things that I probably should not have said. They were hurtful and mean, representative more of the hurt and disappointment I was feeling and came out malicious and vile. This is not the way I want to come across. I am not usually that ugly unless provoked. I am not happy with some of the things that I wrote even if they were accurate. Of course, there is nothing I can do about that now, but here, for the record, I wanted it to be known that I am not encouraging anyone to bash Britt or Adam. There are times when you should just learn to shut up and walk away from a situation. I am still mastering that art as I have never been one to just clam up. Please do not write me any more emails with your laundry lists of what you hate/dislike about them. Write your own blogpost about it, email them directly or talk amongst your like-minded friends about it. I am not answering any more emails on the subject.

7. Definitely do NOT email me for tea and sympathy when it comes to your own hurt and disappointment with regard to Britt or Adam and then continue to have fun little blog comments and tweets sent to them. Wow. Hypocrites to the umpteenth degree. Be big boys and girls and talk to them directly. Please.

As for me, I am washing my hands of the entire matter. I am done. Most of what happened did not involve me. The things that did are the things I spoke about. Beyond that, I suggest you speak directly to the parties involved.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand…that’s all. CP is closed for business on this subject.

Next?

Hold that Tiger…

Lots in the news lately about Tiger Woods and his *cough* alleged infidelity with several mistresses. He is calling them “indiscretions”. I call that a fancy word for “FUCKING CHEATER”. Certainly, Tiger is not the first celebrity to have gotten caught with his pants around his ankles, and sadly, he won’t be the last. However, the world seems to have taken this one a little hard. Apparently, Tiger was the poster boy of what a good man should be. Young, handsome, successful, family-oriented and devoted to his wife of five years, Elin.

But, if we heed the whispers of the women he has screwed, he was unhappily married and naturally, his poor wife just didn’t understand him. This of course is the typical excuse used by married men to justify their cheating. We wives just don’t seem to understand our husbands whenever hot twenty somethings are around our husbands.

Why would that be?

I spend a lot of time reading the news over at the Huffington Post. According to the many men at that website, women who are married to celebrities or world class athletes should understand that cheating is part of the territory. They should simply accept that sort of behavior because it is part of the social norm for that class of creature.

My thought is this. If you don’t think you can remain faithful…

Don’t. Get. Married.

It’s really that simple. Marriage, no matter how archaic the institution may seem to some, is a promise of fidelity. You are pledging yourself unto the person you love, for better or for worse. And it seems to me that if you are truly in love with someone, you couldn’t possibly bring yourself to cheat on them.

Case in point? Me. I am a serial infidel. I can think of only two men in my life that I never cheated on. One was largely due to fear of repercussion. The other is the hotband. 10 years faithful (with him) is my record. I honestly feel like I couldn’t bring myself to be unfaithful with him. It’s not in my physical or emotional make up to do so. I am so insanely in love with this man that the thought of being with anyone else is honestly nothing less than repulsive.

I truly believe that any other penis near my body would cause me to vomit. Hard.

This is not to say that you aren’t entitled to fantasize or shop the menu. You’re married, not dead. But, when it comes to actually doing the deed? Nope. Couldn’t do it. This man means everything to me. I respect him far too much as a human being to ever malign him in that fashion. I also understand that if it ever got to the point where I did feel I could cheat on him, I would do him the service of splitting up with him first. It would be the only fair thing to do for someone that you respect as a person first and foremost.

So, while I wish Tiger well in his attempt to reconcile his marriage, I don’t hold any high hopes up for him and his wife. They say people can overcome infidelity in their marriage. I wouldn’t know, but to me, it seems that this would be nearly impossible. All trust would be shot to shit. Trust is the foundation of any marriage. It has to be there, or it would simply cease to exist. It would take a lot more than a “Kobe Bryant special” on my ring finger to get me past something like that.

Although, with some persuasion, I might be able to be bought with a five bedroom house on the ocean…maybe.