Defining the Girl…or Facing Facebook.

I was trying to define my blog to someone today. Tried to explain what it was about without saying something mundane like “Oh, it’s all about my ever so exciting life.” Truth of the matter is, my life is pretty exciting. Not in a “travel-all-over-the-world-make-love-to-diplomats-spend-too-much-cash” kind of way, but in a “hey, I accidentally shit myself while bending over to pick up a dust bunny” way. How fun is that?

The person I was talking to happily accepted that definition and then asked me another question that I truly could not answer.

“So, why don’t you put your blogposts up on Facebook? You’re friends must think you’re hilarious!”


Truth be known, my “friends” do think I am hilarious. I am one of those chicks that goes straight from the heart to the mouth without a pit-stop at the brain in between. I tend to say whatever I am feeling in my heart at any given moment before my frontal lobe has a chance to say, “Er, CP? That MAY not be appropriate right now.” No. More poor brain is usually the organ that has to do damage control after my heart causes my tongue to flap.

But, yes indeed. WHY don’t I post my blog links on Facebook? Fair enough question.

I think there are a few reasons. First and foremost is privacy. Not MY privacy, mind you, but rather, my husband and children’s privacy. In the five years I have been blogging, I have never mentioned my husbands name. That is not to say that some of you don’t know the mans name. Some of you have met him in “real time”. And, some of you have known me longer than I have known him, so naturally, you would know who he is. Then, there are the select few (read: 3) who read my blog who know me in real life on a day to day basis. Most of my blog readers don’t even know MY name. And, when I meet a blogger in real life, they tend to call me “CP” anyway, because that’s how you know me. But, for the hotband, I have to maintain a modicum of privacy. He has a pretty high profile job and there is a certain decorum that comes with his job.

And then, I look at HIS Facebook page, and he puts up all sorts of horny looking fruit, inappropriate Jesus pics and makes homosexual references with all MY guy friends. So, WHY the hell am I holding back on my blog?

Because…if he wants to put himself out there, that’s his prerogative. I am still going to respect the boundaries, even though he never put any up for me.

Then, there is another aspect I have considered. My Facebook friends vs. My Blogger Friends. Some of you overlap into both categories. I think there are 14 of you, actually, who are “friended” on Facebook but started off knowing me via this blog. My Blog Friends are a much cooler breed. We understand that we can cross certain lines with one another. We know that one year in blog time is the equivalent of 5 years real time. Therefore, I know many of you longer in that sense than I do the people I have been friends with for 20 years or more. And, while my friends of 30 years care about me very much, I don’t think they want to know that I was a domestic violence survivor. I don’t think they care that I survived cancer. I don’t know that they would give a shit one way or another that I struggle with bipolar disorder on a daily basis. And, I believe that most of them would be entirely too judgmental with regard to my drug addiction and subsequent recovery.

So, it begs the question…are these “friends” on Facebook ACTUALLY my friends?

I think in some ways, yes, we are. We have history. We have memories of our childhood and our youth. That’s something that we as adults tend to cling to. My husband, as close as we are, will never understand how I grew up. He doesn’t know what it was like to be a little kid living in NYC no more than I can ever know about his experiences growing up in Israel. It’s nice to have those people in your life that you can reminisce with. It’s fun. But, does it provide a longevity to the relationship? Not really. When I reconnected with some old junior high friends on Facebook, it was a blast. We couldn’t stop talking about growing up in Queens and what it meant to each of us. How it shaped us into the adults we are today. We talked, shared, laughed…and then, burnt it out. While we still engage in some witty banter here and there, do I think any of these people would drop whatever they were doing to be at my side if something traumatic happened in my life?

*sighs* No. No I don’t. Even the person I was closest to growing up has turned her back on me in some aspects. She hides my feed because I am (insert adjective for vulgar, crass, classless, rude, explicit, etc.). And I get it. She’s got her kids on her Facebook. Can’t have me talking about the new lube and vibrators I bought on my status and have it show up on her wall, right? I do get it. That’s also why my son is NOT my Facebook friend…nor are my nephews and nieces. As far as I am concerned, Facebook is NO place for children, period. But, to each their own. My daughter is on my Facebook…but she’s 22, married and knows that her mother is a tad fucked in the head. My son is only first learning that. Why rush it? He’ll get it soon enough.

Which brings me back to the original question. Why don’t I post my blogposts on Facebook? The answer is…I don’t quite know. I suppose there might be a small part of me that is going to wonder what people will think of me, which is ironic because I am definitely one of those people who generally don’t give a fuck what others think of me. But, these are childhood friends who have a certain vision of me, a particular memory that I don’t want to taint. Then again, I suppose true friends would love you regardless and understand that the person you were at 14 is not necessarily the person you are at 40.

Then, there is the BIG reason I don’t post my blog posts on Facebook. My brother. He’s a great guy. He totally knows how screwed up I am. He is equally as fucked in the brain. We were raised by the same woman…and THAT, Dear Friends, is the ULTIMATE reason. The one that trumps all. I simply CANNOT have Esther reading my blog. I love my mother but, if you are a long time reader or know her in real life, you know what an absolute LOONEY TUNE she is. If she ever caught wind of the things that I write about her…she’d kill me. Not figuratively. Literally. Like, I have given instructions to my husband to form my blog into a book posthumously if she ever kills me so everyone knows what an absolute banshee she is/was. Don’t get me wrong. There is a certain beauty to being raised by a psychopath. It allows me to be quirky, strange and crazy. When I tell people I am bipolar, they nod. Then, they meet my mom…and suddenly, they nod emphatically…and it all just comes together for them.

The crazy thing is, I have met such interesting and amazing people on Facebook. People that I do NOT know from my past or that I blog with or know in real life. Simply people who I have met in passing either playing a game or stumbling onto their page. Really great people. I would love to share my blog posts with them…but still, I feel some hesitation and restraint.

*raises brows*

Hesitation? Restraint? Foreign concepts to me that I am STILL getting used to.

So, for right now, I am simply using the website “Networked Blogs” on Facebook as my tiny baby step, my little foray into taking my blog out of hiding. (There’s a link to it on my sidebar. No, lower. Lower. Yeah. Right there. Click it if you’re on Facebook.) I think, in reality, my blog will exist long after my old friendships fall away. This is home for me. This is where I feel best and can relax and be myself.

And, if you can’t be yourself…why be at all?

11 thoughts on “Defining the Girl…or Facing Facebook.

  1. Sodapop

    My mom reads my blog, but I don’t put my blogposts on FB because of my current coworkers. Since I’ve only been there 2 years, I don’t really want them all knowing about the blog where I talk shit about them….I mean talk about my day at work.

    I can talk more freely on my blog than I can on my FB page and I feel more comfortable on the my blog.

  2. CP

    Soda – yeah, me too. I have a lot of friends who are Judgey McJudgerson’s. LOL They are good people, really good people…but I have lost some friends along the way who thought I was simply a tad too fucked up for their taste. So, like I said, how good of friends could we possibly be?

    Bloggers…we’re a different breed. No such thing as over sharing in our world. 🙂

  3. CP

    Yes, Trish. You have a 90 day leeway period, after which the blog police come and steal your domain name from you. LOL

  4. Hilly

    I put my blog posts up on Facebook BUT…I stopped letting Twitterfeed or any other automatic service do it. I know post them myself and customize the update so that certain people do not see it, like most of my family members and other people I don’t want knowing about my blog. It took me forever to find the solution that works for me and hey, we all have to do what feels right for us!

  5. CP

    Hilly – Thing is, I have WAY too many people on my friends list to sit there and customize each status. So, what I tend to do now is just say “Hey, I updated my blog”. Then, people who know about it can go take a look. People who are curious about it can ask me where it is…and then, I can let them know (or not) on a case by case basis.

    This whole social media thing is just making my brain hurt and making me long for the days of rotary phones and telegrams. LOL

  6. Bubblewench

    I don’t post my blog to FB. While my family knows about my blog, they rarely if ever visit, but they’re all over FB… Also for some reason I really like keeping the two seperate.

  7. Diane

    All the reasons you gave make perfect sense to me. And, I must say, I LOVE your crude, crass, vulgar, talking-about-lube self!
    I don’t directly link my blog to FB, BUT there is a way to find it if you’re the least bit computer savvy. I do have some relatives on my FB that wouldn’t have my best interests at heart. They would LOVE to read about my demise.
    Plus, like you said, my blog friends “get me” – I can be 100% me & this is the only place I can do that. So now I had to start another blog where I can dump my thoughts. The one they can find will only have my art stuff on it.
    My point in telling you all this is please be careful about letting your blog be “found” by people you don’t want reading it. Once they’ve found you, you can’t undo it & you can’t take back words you’ve written. Just make 110% positive it’s okay for the worst person on FB (of your friends) to read everything you’ve got on your blog.

  8. saintseester

    My mother actually found my blog the same day I had scanned in this horribly inappropriate birthday card she gave my husband. So I was outed to her with much gnashing and wailing. It was horrible! And, she only saw that one post before I took my old stuff down.

    Now, I cannot write as freely as I used to. It sucks.

    So keep it secret.

  9. Ms Beauty Soul

    I totally hear ya! I have people on my facebook page from PRIMARY SCHOOL! I don’t even feel like I know them but still they are there and we make inane small talk. Of course I have my good fends on there but some of the stuff I write I don’t want them reading… When you feel you have too many spectators (yes the judgemental ones too) you begin to censor what you want to say, and what is the point in blogging through crippled fingers? (bad analogy but I’m sure you catch my drift)

  10. A Sideways Girl

    Funny how many of us do not update our FB pages with our blog posts. I usually do not either but I will autofeed them to Twiter. Like you, I am starting to take baby steps with FB (Networked Blogs and occasionally I will say something about a blog update in my status… BUT I’m not really sure why… I don’t friend family members on FB so it is not that… and I don’t care about old childhood or highschool friends.)… I think my problem is former co-workers…


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