Her heart in my hands…and I got nothin’.

I am a Jewish woman. We come equipped with a guilt meter that exceeds most peoples. Things make us feel bad, certainly, but we are far better at making YOU feel bad for making US feel bad.

Jewish husbands don’t stand a chance in hell against our powers.

Today, I am feeling guilt. I have a very special girlfriend in my life. We’ve been friends forever, if forever could equal about 14 years. She’s not my best friend. She’s more than that. She’s like a baby sister to me. I am 14 years older than she is…but have learned more from her than I have from most people my own age. I met her in college. She was kind of the odd girl out. Funky colored hair. Weird clothes. Strange taste in music. And I was drawn to her immediately.

We had ZERO in common. She was a kid out of high school. I was a mom of two going back to college for my nursing degree. What I did discover is that she had an absolutely wicked sense of humor, a crazy zest for life and a total “What the fuck ever, Dude” attitude.

In essence, she was me…25 years earlier, before marriage, divorce, kids, career and life got in my way.

Her husband was my husbands best friend. It was such a natural fit. He was kind of eclectic and different. So was she. So when my husband and I started dating, we thought these two would be a match made in heaven. And, as cupid would have it, they were. They were married in 2001, a year before my husband and I were.

Now, we’re both moms. She calls me for parenting advice. I give it to her easily, readily, as her little one is only 6. Mine are 22 and 14. Been there and done that with the 6 year olds. I adore her son. If anything in the world were ever to happen to my girlfriend, I would embrace him as my own without a second thought, making sure he had everything in his life that his mom would ever want for him.

Yesterday, she came over my house with a problem. A marital problem. Was it a huge problem? Well, it depends where you are sitting. But, for her, yes…it was a huge problem. And, for the first time, I had no answers for her. I had some basic advice, things she already knew, because she is hella smart, but nothing concrete. Nothing she could walk away with and feel complete sense of satisfaction. The subject moved onto other things, like politics, imbeciles who can’t understand a health care bill, Ron Paul, Gwar (don’t google that, you’ve been warned) and various other things. Yet still, in the back of my mind, I was a little heartsick that through all the coffee, cigarettes and conversation, I had not “fixed” my friends problem.

She means the world to me. And today, I know she’s home with a headache that more than likely as brought on by stress and sadness. I want to punch her husband really hard in his face. She’s a great woman. An awesome mother. She cooks, she cleans, she works part time, takes care of that baby of theirs…everything that my husband wishes I would do but don’t.

I am feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. Surely there is something I could have done, something I could have said. But, I got nothing. Nothing.

She came to me with her heart in her hands…and I got nothing.

Still, I cling to the little bit of hope that the six hours we spent together talking and laughing brought a bright spot into her day, at least for a little while. I hope she knows she’s loved. I hope she knows she’s cared about.

And most of all, I hope she knows that I would brown bag her husband in a parking lot upon request. Urban dictionary describes “brown baggin'” as putting a bag over an ugly chicks face before banging her. But, New Yorkers know that Brown Baggin’ someone means filling a paper sack full of soda cans and beating someone relentlessly with it, until the bag breaks.

She best know I’d break a nail for her anyday.

9 thoughts on “Her heart in my hands…and I got nothin’.

  1. Bluepaintred

    Too late! I googled it. OMG fourth picture in.


    Pee ess : You are the kind of friend we all hope to have. We dont necessarily need our friends to SOLVE our problems, because just the act of listening to us talk them out helps tremendously

  2. DutchBitch

    Hey, sometimes being there for someone is all you can do and sometimes that is the best thing you can do.

    I know from experience that it can make all the difference 🙂

  3. Karl

    Like Bluepaintred and Dutchbitch, I was going to say that listening is a lot more powerful than you may realize. Think of all the times you just needed someone to vent TO.

    We can’t always provide answers, but we can provide OURSELVES.

  4. Robin

    Wow – GWAR? GWAR? Lord have mercy… ::fans self::

    I prefer someone who listens to me and doesn’t pass judgement rather than someone who just gives me advice because she feels she needs to. I think you did the right thing. Your presence was enough for her and she loves you….trust me.

  5. Mrs Marcos

    A combination lock in a tube sock…better because the bag won’t break.

    I’d bet anything your friend knows how you feel and what you tried to convey to her without giving advice.

    GWAR…not gonna do it. Must. Be. Strong.

  6. boston_gyrl_34

    At the risk of sounding redundant – I agree with those who say that sometimes just knowing you have a friend who takes the time to listen, to sympathize and to be there is all that is needed. Sometimes we can’t fix the broken stuff with words, but we can help ease the burden by listening and caring…you’ve done than and that is the best kind of friend anyone could ask for. As usual, you totally ROCK!

    PS having been the friend who couldn’t fix the problem in the past – I know how hard it can be when you don’t have the solution but love someone so much that you’d do just about anything to find/create the solution – it’s not easy!

  7. instinct

    I’ll be redundant and agree with everyone above. Most of the time what is needed is someone who will listen. Most problems in relationship start with that too, someone (or both) not listening. Fix that, and a lot of stubbornness, and you can make it through the bad time.

    Also, I would go with a bar of soap in a sock – can’t break and doesn’t leave any marks. You accomplish the goal with little incriminating evidence to photograph…. not that I would know about such things.


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