The first time I heard these words, I almost shook with fright.
What am I to be if not a nurse? Where do I go from here?
I made a decision during my 12 weeks of intensive outpatient therapy. I opted not to reinstate my nursing license. After a lot of soul searching and mulling the process over, I decided that nursing was no longer going to be a part of my future.
When I received my contract from the nursing board, they made some extraordinary demands of me; demands that I know I would never be able to comply with while attempting to get out into the workforce again. I thought long and hard about this decision and I decided that it would be in my best interest to let it go. The past 12 weeks in IOP taught me a lot about myself and the things I want to do with my future.
That’s when I came to realize that nursing was not a part of what I wanted to do with my life.
I called my counselor and told him this. He said he wasn’t really surprised, as this wasn’t the first time he heard me allude to this.
“It’s not in my heart any longer,” I told him.
And you know what? That’s okay. A long time ago, I had a first love. That first love was writing. It always has been. It always will be. While nursing was a challenge, it never fulfilled me the way my writing did. I have been published a number of times. When I walked away from that to pursue a career in nursing, I felt like I put a part of my soul away.
I am 43 years old. It is getting late in life not to pursue dreams.
With that said, I am going back to my dreams of writing for a newspaper. I have written editorials for magazines before. I have a vast collection of work that I have done over the years, work that I am very proud of. When I went to college a million years ago, my major was journalism.
With the support of my husband, I am going to pursue this dream of mine.
I realize that newspapers are a dying breed, so more than likely, it will mean writing for online news journals, but I am ready to take on this challenge. In the interim, I will probably work as a medical assistant in a doctors office, as I will no longer be able to represent myself as a nurse. But, having nights and weekends off will allow me to pursue this dream of mine. The flexibility will allow me to write creatively once more.
I am 97 days sober and I have never seen anything more clearly in my entire life. I am ready for this next stage, this next step. Careers are one thing, passions are quite another. I am ready to forgo my career and let my passion run rampant once again. It will be a dream come true to parlay my passion into a new career.
I don’t know if it is smart to start my life over at this juncture, but I can’t allow myself to look back and know I never tried.
One door closes. Another opens.
I am ready to step through this new door. It’s time.