Why the HOLY HELL am I paying this guy?

My therapist said I was an angry person.

Really? No shit there.

I often wonder why I go to therapy. I mean, right now, it’s against my will. It’s part of my drug program requirement. Have to go to group drug counseling 5 days a week. Have to go to individual therapy. Have to go to at least one NA meeting a week. So, being as dutifully diligent as I am, I’m going.

However, I really don’t see the need to have a therapist tell me something that I have known for the past 42 years of my life.

I AM an angry person by nature. I have a lot to be angry about. Sure, I have a lot of great things in my life too. I am not discounting any of that. But, I have had a hair-trigger since…well, as long as I can remember. He said that it started out with my father leaving my mother when I was just a few years old. I really don’t think that’s it. Actually, I was kind of happy when he left. He was an emotionally abusive dick. He used to get off on making my mother cry. He punched holes in walls all the time when he was pissed off. When he announced that he was leaving (finally) I remember feeling thrilled. At seven years old, I knew this would be the start of a new life. No more walking on eggshells around this douchebag that I called a father. And, I do mean “father” in the loosest term possible. He wasn’t a father to my brother and I. Every birthday card I have from him is signed in my mothers handwriting. She was always compensating for him. And, while I knew this, I never let on to my mother. It made her feel good thinking she was doing something right by us.

As years went by, I was able to figure out for myself what a supreme reigning asshole he was. Eventually, my mother started agreeing with that theory and held nothing back. She told me every wonderful detail about the way he treated her. Too much for a nine year old to process, but I got the gist of it.

I thought I had buried all of that when we buried him. I was 19 when he died. I don’t even remember crying. I basically just mourned the loss the way I had since I was little. He was never around anyway, so I didn’t see much difference after he died.

But now, I have this therapist telling me that my “unprocessed” feelings about my father is what makes me so mad all the time. Hm. Could it be that I am just angry because of circumstances that piss me off? Can’t a person be legitmately angry without it having stem from an unreconciled past?

He told me that I don’t “get it”. And he’s right. I don’t. When I feel enraged about something (see post below), I feel the anger is legtimate and sometimes, even appropriate. He said the fact that I wanted to get on a plane to Utah and slaughter the woman who put our house into foreclosure is not a healthy response.

Well, duh. It’s not like I was going to do it. I just FELT that way at the moment. Surely I have some right to be angry about it.

So, I am doing my time in therapy like a good little angry addict. But, sometimes I really wonder what he intends on teaching me that I haven’t already learned.

This should be enlightening, if nothing else.

7 thoughts on “Why the HOLY HELL am I paying this guy?

  1. Deb

    At least yours talks. But the ones that talk too much say the things we already know. I totally relate to this, which is why it has taken me over 20 yrs to find a GOOD therapist who can actually help me and not blame every friggin thing on my past… What about my present? I feel you. Ugh.
    *goes into zen mode*

  2. Jack C. Young

    This clown should: a, get over Freud and b, get his head out of his own ass. Sad that this turkey got his position on the merits of his (worthless) diploma rather than genuine ability. Just outlast the bastard (if you don’t kill him first).
    People who don’t want to listen just piss me off! You are strong enough to outlast this jerk anyway.

  3. Poppy

    It’s really hard to see your inner workings and stay sober at the same time if you’re used to covering up your feelings with a substance.

    I have to say, I don’t care for most men therapizing me. I have anger issues to do with men so why the fuck would I let one psychoanalyze me?

    If you’re going to stick with this guy, my suggestion is to give him a chance. You may feel like you have heard it all, know it all, but maybe if you set aside your anger at him you’ll see something you haven’t seen yet.

    Therapists are just there to help you structure an outline, you fill in the story and the conclusions.

  4. MB

    Some therapists are just morons with a degree. I bet if he was going to lose his house through no fault of his own he would be angry too. Considering all you’ve been through, you certainly have the right to be angry. If he is a decent therapist he will have some good suggestions on how to work through that anger.

  5. Rainwolf

    I tried therapy once because I had issues after my sister died. She tried to tell me that wasn’t what was wrong, it was because I had unresolved issues about my childhood. Yeah, I told her to bite my ass.
    I suppose I have anger issues too.
    Hang in there, you’re a strong woman and you’ll make it through.

  6. Yo Momma

    Your therapist sounds like he’s reading a “Therapist for Dummies’ book. I completely understand why you would want to slaughter the woman who foreclosed your home. We lost our good credit AND our condo last year and believe me, I wanted to burn everyone who worked at my mortgage company and take a fat shit in the middle of my condo. I guess I need therapy too then? Why can’t someone just feel angry about a situation without it stemming from some “past issues”?

  7. Sarcastica

    I wish that we could find a decent therapist in this area for my little sister, but they are all stupid and chalk up her behaviour as “teenage angst”. Ugh.

    Here’s to hoping you find a better therapist instead of one that states the obvious.


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