Esther has come to town…

and in actuality, it has lightened my depression. She gives me so much to laugh about (or AT, rather) that I can’t help but be in a better mood.

She got so piss ass drunk at Thanksgiving that she started to ask my son in law if he was circumsized or not. Trevor, being the good English bloke that he is, confessed that he was not. My mother offered to use the carving knife and turn him into an “honorary Jew”. Lovely table talk for dinner.

Esther has this problem with talking with her mouth full. Sitting opposite her during a meal is very frustrating and downright gross. Last night, we had a birthday cake for Harry, my father. It had blue icing. My mother was eating and talking and her mouth looked like a smurf took a shit in her face. I had to ask her to please shut her gaping maw when she eats, lest I vomit on the table.

Thanksgiving was very nice. My daughter hosted in my house and her husband cooked the dinner. I learned how to turn on my stove for the first time. 3 years I have had this oven and never knew how to turn it on. The only turning on I am capable of is in the bedroom. I am definately not a kitchen kind of girl, for sure.

My son in law got shitfaced and proceeded to announce to the room how much he hates America. Yeah. That went over REAL well with my predominantly republican family. (I, however, am a liberal democrat…the black sheep of the family). He was going on and on about how impossible it is to find work in this country. He leaned over and hissed in my ear…”I HATE this place and I am going to take your daughter to England with me”

The fuck you are, Son.

My sister in laws boyfriend finally got ticked off enough to start yelling at my son in law “how dare you be so disrespectful to your in laws” and “who the fuck do you think you are?”

Oy. A mess, I tell you.

My son in law, Trevor, is a great guy most of the time…but he has serious alcohol issues. When he drinks he goes from happy and pleasant to emotional and angry. He also drools. It reminds me of the dog from “Turner and Hooch”.

Samantha and Sadie Rose are doing just fine. Sadie is now 7 pounds, up from the 4 pounds that she was at birth. She has the bluest eyes, like her father and dark hair like her mother. She also has her grandmothers disposition. She is an angry little thing that when her food does not come fast enough, she blows the roof off with her crying. This is the time I like being the grandmother and not the mommy. I can hand her back to her mother when she goes berzerk like that. Here ya go, Kiddo. Back to mommy.

Ah, the perks of being a grandmother.

My mother is in her hotel room today, all doped up on sleeping pills. She will not be seeing us today. How do you take a vacation to see your family and then not see your family? Is that not the craziest thing? That’s just her, I guess…and I would prefer that she misses a day if she is cranky and overtired. It’s like handing her back to my father the same way I hand back the baby to Samantha.

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday…well, those of you from America anyway. For the rest, I hope you enjoyed your Thursday.

14 thoughts on “Esther has come to town…

  1. Turnbaby

    Well ours was ‘interesting’ as well. I can’t remember too many occasions when a mom smears whipped cream over her 16 year old daughter’s boobs so it will be memorable as well 😉

    Glad you had a smile on your face sugar.


  2. Anonymous

    My mother was eating and talking and her mouth looked like a smurf took a shit in her face

    Literary gold, bage. GOLD.

  3. DutchBitch

    Glad you had a good time on what turned out a very “special” day… Oh my… Esther is always recipe for some interesting stuff huh? And your SIL is doing his bit now too, LOL

  4. Yo Momma

    I’m glad I stopped by. I’m sorry to hear about your depression chicka! I hope you feel better soon.

    A smurf took a shit on her face!! HAHAHAAH!!! Hilarious even when depressed! That’s what I love about you. 🙂

  5. MaryO

    And here i thought my thanksgiving was fucked up. Just our usual family drama here. Cant wait ofr christmas dinner though. I have a feeling they were saving up the good stuff for than.

  6. Jose

    Going over some of my old posts from 2006 I found a link on my blog to yours. Wow, it had been a while since I visited. Glad to see you are still active and that your blog is still a kick ass blog.


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