Myself and two co-workers were chatting in the late overnight hours two days ago. Nora, being a former veteranarian tech was talking to Melissa about a problem her Rotweiller was having. A few certified nursing assistants were mulling around the area, not giving much attention to what we were saying…so we thought.
“He keeps scratching his ass on the carpet,” Melissa laments. “And this gross fluid comes out when he does it! It smells nasty!”
“Does he seem to be in any pain,” Nora asks.
“Everytime my boyfriend or I try to pick Herman up, he cries. Something must be bothering him or hurting him. He keeps rubbing his ass on the carpet and whimpering.”
“It sounds like it is his anal sac,” says Nora. It’s like an inverted hemmorrhoid for a dog.”
“So, what do you do for that,” I ask.
“Basically,” Nora begins, “you have to reach inside the anus, pull the sac out and squeeze the fluids out of it.”
I broke out into a fit of laughter. “Yeah, Melissa. Just stick your hand up his ass and squeeze. That should do the trick. Works for MY husband.”
We all fall into a fit of laughter. Conversation over…so we thought.
Enter my friend Jaime. After being off for two days, she has the need to fill me in on all the local gossip going on in the nursing home.
“Did you hear what happened to Melissa? She’s having some issues at home.”
“Really,” I ask, my ears perking up. “What’s the problem?”
“Apparently, and I heard this from Patty…Melissa and her man are having trouble with stuff in the bedroom.”
“What? What kind of stuff?”
“It seems that she wants to have anal sex, but everytime he gets hard, fluid comes out when it goes up and he cries.”
“Jaime. Melissa has a dog, named Herman who is having trouble with his anal sac. It’s leaking fluid and everytime they lift the dog up, he cries in pain.”
“Whatever,” says Jaime. “I liked it my way better.”