I am an anomaly.
I am the girly girl who lives, breathes, eats and sleeps football. Love it. Now don’t get all freaked out that the Princess likes it rough. *ahem* You couldn’t catch me playing the game, ever. I will not break a nail or mess up my hair. I will scream very loud, hoot and holler over the game.
This year, the Giants are in the Superbowl. They are my team. I am not a half assed football fan who jumps on the bandwagon for whatever team makes it to the Bowl. The Giants have been my team since I was old enough to know what a touchdown was. I have been with these boys through thick and thin. No matter how their season went, I was always there, cheering them on.
Today I am having a Superbowl party. We have chips, beer a plenty, queso dip, large hero sandwiches, tons of soda, onion dip, veggie dip and, did I mention beer? I also have football decorated cupcakes lest there be something sweeter than the game itself. I have never hosted a party in my own home. I am very good at being a guest. I can drink other peoples liquor and eat their food. I am not good, however, at putting all these things out, making it all look fancy and put together. Frankly, I suck at it. Fortunately, I have a mini Martha Stewart in my daughter. She knows how to pull all this stuff together and make it work. Me? I am a first rate loser when it comes to entertaining. I am all like…
“Here’s the food, here’s a plate, knock yourself out.”
As a Jewish woman, I simply don’t have the hostess gene. Now, I can hire people to handle this shit for me. I can speed dial like no one’s business. It’s what Jewish women do. We order stuff. We supervise and tell people what to do. It’s what I am good at, my strong suit, if you will. To leave me to my own devices is to ensure that disaster will ensue. I an useless in the kitchen. I am definately a ‘bedroom’ kind of girl with an occasional dalliance in the living room. Sex I can do. Hosting? Not a clue.
I could never throw a bash like Avitable did for Halloween because I am just not that type of person. He obviously planned for weeks, maybe months about what he was going to do for his party. Me? I just bought some plastic bowls this morning and feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment.
So, are you watching the game today? Are you having people over? Are you a hostess with the mostest? Can someone give me a clue?
6:46 UPDATE: 3-0 GIANTS. Fuck yeah!!!
7:01 UPDATE: Fucking Patriots. Dicks. 7-3.
7:41 UPDATE: I have no game update. I just want to say that I am on my third beer, switching over to a glass of wine, to be followed by a strawberry daquiri. Unlike my Giants, I am feeling no pain. My sandwiches were well received I have not run out of chips or beer. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck about my guests. They know where the kitchen is.
8:08 UPDATE: Half time show. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Feh. Not feelin’ it, y’all. It’s so 1980’s meets Top Gun and Tom Cruise. Do all these kids even know who Tom Petty is? More likely they know Richard Petty. TP is not a good looking man. I am hoping for no wardrobe malfunctions this year.
9:11 UPDATE: FUCK YEAH!!! GIANTS 10-7!!!!
9:39 UPDATE: *sighs* 14-10 New England. 2 minutes and 42 seconds left in the final quarter…not good.
NINE FIFTY-SEVEN UPDATE: 17-14 GIANTS WITH 35 SECONDS LEFT!!!! I think i AM about to shsit myhself!!!! I am so fucvcking happy!!!!!!!!!!
THE GIANTS WON THE SUPERBOWL!!! THE GIANTS HAVE JUST WON THE SUPERBOWL!! FREE BLOWJOBS FOR EVERYONE!!! GET IN LINE, BABIES!!! MAMA’S READY FOR A JIZZFEST!!!
10:56 UPDATE: Okay. I have to take back the blow jobs. The Hotband was not amused that I was giving away my golden mouth to the masses. So, instead…make it hand jobs. I use Purell so I am sanitized for your protection. However, the Hotband did mention that if I wanted to sex up the female bloggers, he is a big supporter of that.