The hotband and I are enjoying a slow, lovely lovemaking session. It’s perfect, as always. He then decides to throw momma a treat for being such a good girl and waiting in his hotel room all day for him. Yay. Hotband travels “south of the border” while I kick back and wait for…yeah. That.

I am on my back, writhing around, truly relishing this moment. I am getting closer…closer. Here it is, baby, the money shot when all of a sudden:


“What? Wait, why?”

Naked hotband jumps up and runs across the room. He is gagging. He is ripping apart his laptop bag, searching for something.

“What the fuck are you DOING,” I ask incredulously.


“What is WRONG with you.”

“Heartburn,” he chokes. “I almost vomited.”

“You almost vomited while going down on me?”

“Yeah, but it had nothing to do with you.”

“Really, honey? Considering I am the last thing you ate…”

He pops another Rolaids into his mouth and chews on it, his eyes rolling backward in his skull like he just had a self induced orgasm.

“Mmmph,” he snorts, “Okay. I’m better now. Let’s go back to doing what we were doing.”

“Um, I don’t THINK so.”

“Why not?”

“Because no girl ever wants to hear her husband saying he almost vomited while between her legs. It’s really not good for the ego, ya know?”

“Babe, it had nothing to do with you. It was the heartburn.”

I was thinking of sending this into Rolaids to be used as a commercial for their product. Rolaids…the acid goes down…so you can too!

Somehow, I dont think I’d get a corporate sponsor.

32 thoughts on “Rolaids?

  1. CP

    Sassy- Let me know if you need a replacement monitor. I have a few laying around! *thanks for delurking!*

    TT – I have felt better lately. Thanks for the love of the slogan. I really feel I was onto something.

    Poppy – You out your mind??? Of course I MADE him finish!

  2. Fogspinner

    I’d finally stopped coughing and then I read this and I laughed so hard it started all over again.

    OMG, I’m sorry. Really I am.

    No no oh god I’m not. That was too funny, thanks for sharing!

  3. Kentucky Girl

    You’re just too spicy for him, babe. You know when they get older, they can’t take it as well as they could when they were younger. Like eating cucumbers or something.


  4. CP

    Poppy – Don’t live through me, love. Someone might puke on you.

    Mishel — Sure it’s funny! It wasn’t you!

    Fog – Glad you got a laugh at my expense. *wink*

    KG – I KNOW! I am way too spicy! Poor boy can’t hold down mama’s spicy salsa!


  5. Hilly

    I wonder what Rolaids would say if you contacted them about the idea? I would love to see the look on their faces!

    BEST. STORY. EVER by the way!

  6. CP

    Christina – I try, ya know?

    BP – You know I have to share these things with the world.

    Hilly – I was thinking of sending them this blogpost, as a joke. Whatcha think?

    Deb – No, really! He’s wonderful…just has a bad case of heartburn! Don’t give up on him just yet!


  7. CP

    Avi – I don’t doubt that. You strike me as a gagger.

    Jack – Thank you. Welcome to my life…and the blog!

    Turnbaby – You are welcome, and nice to see you over here too! Fab talks so much about you!

    JRE- I think I am going to send it in…anonymously.

    Debbie – Glad I made you laugh, darlin. That alone is worth the humiliation.

    Jen – You know me…one big open book…and open mouth.


  8. CP

    LBB – They have pills for that, you know? You can jump up in the middle of your next session and grab one!

    Britt – We will find our way back there after the holidays, if Avi will have us, that is! Tell your husband that privacy is for non bloggers.

    Kat! I love your slogan! That’s hysterical! Thanks for delurking for a bit! Hope to see you back soon!

  9. Jerrster

    yeah…fuck yeah…how many great posts have I missed like one…I blame myself…but now I’m back!

    Don’t be to graphic about the vomiting thing I almost gagged a little myself.

  10. CP

    Jerr – I am just glad to see you back!

    Nick – Okay, this is like my father telling me what to do before sex. Very creepy…

    Dutchy – Not the kind of coke we are used to snorting?? Hmmmm???? I know how you dutch people roll!


  11. Deb

    HAHA!!!! Loved this! You’re such a great sport for even writing about this. Please blog more!

    Perfect solution: French’s Yellow Mustard. One HEAPING teaspoon down the hatch and your heartburn is GONE. It’s better than any of those chemical based remedies. Trust me.

    Then he can pour mustard – oh never mind. Enjoy!!!


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